I always considered myself an adventurous girl. Despite the total girly girl I am, I love mud and climbing things and getting in to a little bit of trouble and discovering new places. When it came time to choose where to go to college I was positive it was time for a new adventure. One far far away from the Minnesota borders.
College in Texas has not been what I expected. Though to be honest, I have no idea what I expected. I decided to go to Baylor on some vague gut feeling. I don't regret that decision but I think I should have looked at my options better.
Sometimes having an adventure doesn't mean running away from everyone you love and trying to make it "on your own." Sometimes an adventure is finding out you love science when you thought you hated it, sometimes its trying a new food, or sometimes and my favorite time it means falling in love. I will always wonder what would have happened if I had stayed in Minnesota and gone to the U of M, but I have learned some valuable things from my decision to go to Baylor.
Your real friends will never leave you. I have kept in touch with all of my best friends. Skype is a life saver. The people you skype with at 1am with tears streaming down your face are your real best friends.
I discovered my high school romance is much more than that. I'm terrified but I am totally in love. I don't know why I am here spending four long years away from him. Nobody else will ever make me smile like he does.
My family is everything. Without their love and support I would be so lost. I know they just want me to be where I will be happy and successful. I just haven't figured out where that is yet. I am happier at Baylor than I have been but I wouldn't say I'm happy. Thats an annoying feeling to deal with and decide upon.
I don't know why I ran away. My senior year and summer after were the best days of my life. I want to be back with the people I love and who love me. But I also want to be independent and do this whole college thing on my own somewhere. I just have to pray and find what place is right for me.
But how can we really ever be sure? I thought Baylor was right. Maybe it was right but is it right for four years? A year and a half? Two years? Who knows...
I'm sick of being a runaway. Lately, I just want to come home.
Monday, February 20, 2012
Friday, February 3, 2012
My Grandpa
I never knew my biological grandfather on my mother's side. Fortunately I gained the greatest grandpa I could have hoped for when my Mammaw married an amazing man named Onis. He is one of the sweetest men I have ever known and will be sorely missed. I got a call from my father this afternoon saying Onis had passed away less than an hour ago. I was in complete shock. Hearing a loved one is gone when there is no family around you to support you is completely disorienting.
Onis is the grandfather I have known the longest. My grandfather on my dad's side died when I was only six. Onis meant something special to me. He was the grandfather who really got to see me grow up. He got to see me grow from six to 19. He would sit me in his lap and always tell me how much he loved this family. How our family opened up to him and loved him freely. I don't see how anyone could not love such a sweet man.
Onis loved the Lord with all of his heart. He would cite scripture from memory all the time. He would close his eyes in prayer while just sitting in his chair, shutting out everyone else in the living room. The last few times I saw him I heard him whisper "Take me home, Lord." It was horrible and heart-wrenching to me then, but now I realize he wasn't afraid of death. He knew where his real home was and he was ready to go and be with his Lord.
I remember visiting him once when I was around 15. I was going through some not so happy times of my life then and I remember him just telling me how special and wonderful I am over and over again. Perhaps he saw through my angsty, new teenager facade and knew I needed a little love. It might not seem like much but he was the only grandpa who has ever said something like that to me at a time when I needed it most.
For the past few years him and my Mamaw have lived in an assisted living center. The last few years we have visited have been more difficult. Onis was 101 when he died. He lived a long, good life and we knew this time was coming. I will never forget him playing his harmonica or telling stories I have heard a million times over. His hugs and kisses especially will always be my comfort. I still can hear him saying to me "You're a sweet girl, darlin." And some days knowing that is all you need.
Onis is the grandfather I have known the longest. My grandfather on my dad's side died when I was only six. Onis meant something special to me. He was the grandfather who really got to see me grow up. He got to see me grow from six to 19. He would sit me in his lap and always tell me how much he loved this family. How our family opened up to him and loved him freely. I don't see how anyone could not love such a sweet man.
Onis loved the Lord with all of his heart. He would cite scripture from memory all the time. He would close his eyes in prayer while just sitting in his chair, shutting out everyone else in the living room. The last few times I saw him I heard him whisper "Take me home, Lord." It was horrible and heart-wrenching to me then, but now I realize he wasn't afraid of death. He knew where his real home was and he was ready to go and be with his Lord.
I remember visiting him once when I was around 15. I was going through some not so happy times of my life then and I remember him just telling me how special and wonderful I am over and over again. Perhaps he saw through my angsty, new teenager facade and knew I needed a little love. It might not seem like much but he was the only grandpa who has ever said something like that to me at a time when I needed it most.
For the past few years him and my Mamaw have lived in an assisted living center. The last few years we have visited have been more difficult. Onis was 101 when he died. He lived a long, good life and we knew this time was coming. I will never forget him playing his harmonica or telling stories I have heard a million times over. His hugs and kisses especially will always be my comfort. I still can hear him saying to me "You're a sweet girl, darlin." And some days knowing that is all you need.
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