Rediscovering my Southern Roots

So here I am, a Minnesotan/Missourian raised to be a southern lady placed in Texas. I am the only member on both sides of my family born north of the Mason-Dixon line. This has made me the yankee of the family which I have always despised. So of course when it came time to choose where I wanted to go to college very few northern schools got my attention. I always knew I wanted to go live in the south where my family is from and where I've always felt at home.

My roommate teases me for the random southern things I've never heard of. The fact that I didn't understand some joke about people loving cows more than other people, learning that tank means pond and limb means branch and other fun very decorative phrases that I have always loved about southern language.

This last weekend we went to this southern/cowboy/texan store that was just totally beyond anything I have ever experienced. I know about southern things and I know my mama had horses growin up, my granddaddy was a southern baptist pastor, my great uncle truman was a cowboy, and the list goes on of family members who would have totally understood this place. Nonetheless I walked into Cavendar's boot shop and was totally fascinated by everything. I ran to the boots section (I'm sure seeiming way too excited to every southern-born person in the store)and pointed to one with flowers all over it and my roommate laughed and says, "yes now look at how much that one costs." Following orders I read the $400 price tag with dismay. I turned to her and asked her to show me less expensive ones and soon I was at gazing walls upon walls of beautiful boots (I love shoes, and boots are the diamond of shoes to me so this was just magnificent). I spent probably 20 minutes trying on boots with the assistance of Haley who explained that the letters next to the shoe size corresponded with the width, the pointy toe boots are not as comfy and make your toes grow together, and that its better for the boots to fit tight because they will shape to your feet and be loose after breaking them in. Ended up I chose a pair of boots that Haley actually owns. Roommates. Guess ya kinda rub off on each other.

I love my first pair of real cowboy boots. It makes me feel like I belong here in some strange, slightly superficial way. But it also makes me feel connected to my family in Texas, and my Papaw whom I never met but I know is proud I am attending Baylor, where he attended medical school many years ago.
I sent a picture to my best friend, Christina, who is currently at UCLA of me in my new kicks the night I bought them. Her reply, "I knew you'd be converted! But they're cute!"

Redbirds!!!!!

I grew up in St.Louis, Missouri in the nose bleeds at Busch stadium. I have many memories of my family there. I remember my dad and brother teaching me how to keep score at a very young age. I remember my dad barely cracking open the peanuts then putting them on his earlobes, thus "peanut earings." I would then take the bag of peanuts and suck the salt off and put them back in the bag...disgusting I know but when you are seven opening peanuts is not so easy. We would always go to Ted Drew's after a game to get the best frozen custard, a St. Louis specialty. Those oreo concretes always tasted the best after hours in the stands cheering for the Cards.
The Cardinals seem to always bring our family together in an interesting way, especially in this age of so much technology. Tonight during the 9th inning of Game 7 of the 2011 World Series I skyped my parents in Minnesota. Being in Texas surrounded by Rangers fans it was so good to see some fellow Cardinals hats back home.
My brother is the only one in St. Louis tonight still and I definitely envy him for that.
My sister is in Minnesota but of course we had to discuss over facebook who was marrying which Cardinals player. I called the MVP David Freese which worked for her cus she wants "Carpenter with a side of Berkman."
The Cardinals are so special to me. I can't really explain it. I was six while watching Mark McGwire break the homerun record with 70 homeruns that year. The Cardinals will always be my team no matter where I live.
Can't adaquetly explain my joy tonight watching my Redbirds win their 11th title as World Series Champs, making them 2nd to the Yankees.
I wish I was in St. Louis tonight, my pulse is still racing. I can't believe this.
To end a very rambling/too excited post.
I love the St. Louis Cardinals. WORLD SERIES CHAMPS 2011!!!

GO CARDS :)

Wanderer

Wander: to move about without a definite destination or purpose. Wandering usually has negative connotations but to me it is one of the most beautiful words. And I know I am and always have been a wanderer in multiple ways.
Dreamers tend to be wanderers and I am definitely a dreamer. I have countless childhood memories of me wandering off outside by myself, talking to myself, closing my eyes, spinning around...wandering into my own world. Tuning out completely the reality of everything else around me. Catch me walking by myself today and I probably won't notice you no matter how violently you wave your arms. Whenever I'm alone still, I am in my own world inside my head.
My sister left for the Peace Corps when I was in 4th grade. She is a wanderer too. Around that time I started to think about how amazing it would be to wander somewhere I've never been before. Somewhere across a big ocean. Some place that feels like another world. I think I terrified my mom by telling her I wanted to be in the Peace Corps at such a young age. Sorry mom, us wanderers can't be held back.

I always dreamed of going off to college as much as I dreamed about my wedding when I was little. I always knew I'd be far from home but I am definitely the farthest from home of any of my friends. This is terrifying at times and I miss home but I've waited so long to finally seek things even though I dont know what I'm looking for and find things by stumbling upon them by accident.
"Not all those who wander are lost" is a quote from J.R.R. Tolkein. I could not agree with him more. All of my friends have their major and next 6 years planned out while I am an undecided major with too many passions and loves that I'm having trouble choosing. I definitely feel like I'm wandering through college right now with no exact view of what I want my life to look like afterwards. I usually have a plan for everything so this freaks me out at times but I know I'm just taking my time to discover where I am supposed to be.
I am by no means "lost" though the last month has been interesting for me. Its hard for me to pin down what I want and don't want, what I want to attempt and what I don't, because everything is an experience so why not try it all. Sometimes I can barely handle my own sense of adventure though, and when my mind gets a head of itself, I feel off balance, and like I will never figure out what it is I am trully meant for I know Jeremiah 29:11 speaks the truth, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."
I am glad I wander and wonder. I'm glad I am not too rooted in one place. I'm glad my heart feels at home in four different states, maybe one day Texas will be added to the list. But most of all I am glad to know that no matter how far I wander from home, friends, family, my feet will always be standing on the solid rock. And He wont let me get lost.

Missing home...(or something like it)

This year I have decided I hate the question "What is your hometown?" I always answer St.Louis, Missouri because I lived there until I was 12. I love it and still miss it often but classifying St. Louis as home makes me uneasy about how to classify Eden Prairie, Minnesota.
When my dad told me we were moving to Minnesota I was basically convinced I would be living in a frozen tundra/wasteland. Heck, you are basically in Canada when you get that far north. Somehow though despite the -20 windchill on occassion, in the last 6 winters I've spent there Minnesota has earned a special place in my heart.

When you have nothing to say to anyone in college they ask you where you are from and what your major is. Telling all the Texans I'm from Minnesota receives a variety of responses. After learning I'm from Minnesota they ask why I don't have the crazy accent. Then I have to explain St. Louis as my hometown but that I am from Minnesota.

I know a lot of people have this "hometown idenity crisis." And I never thought Minnesota would be a place I'd call home. The winters are horrendous but theres something kinda crazy awesome about living in a place that gets 30 FEET of snow. And I appreciate sunshine 10 times more in the summer because I know its not always around. Heres a short little list of the things I love/miss.

1.Fall (Its October 7th...90 degrees in Texas...)
2.The State Fair (I will miss it for the next 4 years. Guess I get to eat 4 times the allowed quantity of calories the year I finally will be there after college)
3.The ever changing weather (at least you get to mix it up a bit, one random day of 50 to bundle up for fun, then back to 70. Texas requires an infinite supply of cute tank tops and shorts.)
4.My friends (this is a given but I hung out with the same people all summer and when I walked in to a party and heard I Cant Stop by Flux Pavillion, I wanted to cry.)
5. Minnesotans (okay there are many stereotypes but "Minnesota-nice" and "Southern-hospitality" are two VERY different things and I miss my Minnesota peeps.)
6.Trees/green stuff (I understaaaaaand Texas you are in a drought and there are tons of wildfires but seriously even if there wasnt a drought...there are like no trees except on Baylor campus)
7.Uptown and the Lakes
8. So much ethiopian, thai, and indian food it stops your heart...or at least mine.
9. Being 20 minutes away from anything! If Waco doesn't have it...its an hour and a half to Austin.
10. Being vegan. Pretty much impossible when you have to eat campus food and live in a state that worships meat.

But despite missing home/where I am "from" I do love Baylor/Texas.
1. 3 spoons. Don't even feel guilty not being a vegan at this fro-yo shop. Its beyooond worth it.

2. Classes :) I love me some good learnin!
3. The fitness center supports my obsession with fitness and I have become obsessed with this Boxing/Conditioning class which is totally the reason I have avoided the freshman 15 (my instructor has little sympathy for our fatigue).
4. All the friendly people! Everyone seriously is so nice!
5. The salad bars. It is a simple joy to see kidney beans, chickpeas, and beets as a constant option for my daily salad.
6. Antioch, the church I go to here, is out of this world.
7.Football games. Love the school spirit.
8. I learned how to two-step.
9. I can finally recycle!!! My father was against paying for recycling.
10. 2 minute walk to Starbucks.

I am so happy here but I think of Minnesota and know I would be so happy there too. It makes me excited to go back and visit and excited I get to have a new and different experience here.

My mom and I have always been close. I of course went through my angsty teenager period but through all of that I was never annoyed when my mom asked if I wanted to go for a walk, if I wanted to go to Panera for lunch, or if I wanted to watch What Not to Wear.

My mom is perfect to me. I know no one is perfect but I don't care. When I think of how I want to be when I am 50ish she is the first person in my mind. She is kind to absolutely everyone, incredibly selfless, and above all seeks the Lord with all of her heart everyday. In a world full of "christians" I am so blessed to have a mother who actively pursues God and lives out her faith.

In my senior year of highschool I got lots of questions about going off to college. What will you miss? What are you excited for? etc. Most people were stoked about getting off to college and not having to deal with parents. For me, leaving my mom was one of the worst things about packing up and moving 2,000 miles down I-35. I tried to explain this awesome relationship we have to my friends and all I could really come up with is that she is basically my best friend minus the drama.

Since today has basically sucked, I thought about her today as I walked back to my dorm after my Environmental Science Lab. I asked myself what the one thing was I wish I could have right now that would comfort me. Immediately my mom giving me a hug popped into my mind and I teared up out of reflex.

My mom and I have always had a special connection and I know I am so lucky to have that. We would sometimes lay on the stairs when I got home from school and talk about my day, boys, friends, and then we'd talk about Pokeno, BSF (Bible Study Fellowship), and what we should make next from Cooking Light magazing.
I go home for Thanksgiving in 7 weeks and that hug from my mama at the airport is what I am most excited for.

A four letter feeling

Today was the day no one likes to talk about, or remember, so naturally I will blog about it. Today I broke up with my boyfriend of 14 months.
I didn't wake up this morning knowing today was the day. I had been praying for weeks though about how I felt the 2,000 mile seperation was not working out as well as I had planned on.

I don't think love is a feeling that shuts off. Maybe thats just me but for most of us I think it sticks around for quite sometime if not forever. Theres still a piece of my heart that loves who took my first kiss and even more of my heart who loves and cares for the one who kissed me most recently.
I think I've always been prone to love. I was the girl who kissed every boy on the playground and held hands with my big brother no matter how much he fought. I've always loved loving people and being loved in return.
I used to despise the huge heart I have for people because it can cause a lot of pain but it really makes me who I am. I am full of passion, fire, and love. Thats what I want this blog to be about really. All the things I love and am passionate about plus the things which inspire me.